Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
