2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
