Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
