No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Randomize
