I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
