I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize