I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
