Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
