things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
