So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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