I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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