hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
