I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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