It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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