I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
