everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
