Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
do herpes really smell.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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