That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize