It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
