She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
