I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
