That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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