It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
