My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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