I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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