Im at strip club and am horny
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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