dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize