i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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