The brown eye won't let me do that either.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize