you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
