I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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