i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
