I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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