am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
