He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
