I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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