there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
