So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
