I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
that's an acceptable place to lick
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
