Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
