When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
so much tequila, so little girl.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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