i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
