every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
