What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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