Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I fill condoms, not promises.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize