HIV tests are more positive than that guy
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize