dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
