WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
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