That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
