ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
