I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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