I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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