On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Oh god it's open bar.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
