but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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