Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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