I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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