So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
