end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
