Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
