Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
