i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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