So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
