winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
