WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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