It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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