textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
