i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
