I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He shit in the fireplace
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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