Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
