I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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