Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
