i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
