The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
