Don't you send me to vm
my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
