im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
