I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i can't believe i had my finger in that
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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