i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
