I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
