fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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