u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
