I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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