I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
