I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Is Oprah even human
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
