About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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